What is Freedom?
by DatGlowstickThoe
Summary: Loki has done some horrible things, to that he admits, but the punishment he has received is worse than imprisonment, worse than execution. Loki now has no family, and ultimately one question stays in his mind: What is freedom? (T for safety) Dedicated to NatCat 3
1. Chapter 1

_**~AUTHORS NOTE~**_

_Hey there guys! I am TheGlowstickOfDestiny, my friends call me Sticky of Stick Man. You may know me as the_glowstick_of_destiny on Instagram, or xoxDCxox on Wattpad. This story so happens to be from my Wattpad, so you can also check it out there, along with my other stories that I may or may not post there. I'm just going to warn you, my writing is TERRIBLE, and I wrote this on my phone, so don't hate me . However, do leave a comment/review and follow this story is you so desire. _

_This story is Post-Avengers, Pre-Thor 2. It does not, say it with me, __**does not**__ have any relation to Thor 2:The Dark World... that I am aware of. If it has any similarities (besides the description of the prison cell), please point them out. I wrote these first 3 adn a half chapters before i saw Thor 2... so.._

_Without stalling any more: WHAT IS FREEDOM_

* * *

Sigh. Twenty-seven minutes. Mark. Stare out the glass. Twenty-eight minutes. Mark. No visitors. Twenty-nine minutes. Mark. There are never any visitors. Thirty minutes. Mark.

I've been awake for exactly two hours and thirty minutes. Thirty-one. Mark. One-hundred and fifty-one marks, tiny scratches, on what used to be a plain white wall. There used to be three of those, you know. Plain white walls. But after many years in prison... you begin to get bored of plain white walls.

One is covered in tiny scratches from the past few days. One has marks on it from where I've had mental breakdowns. One has notes written on it. I stole a pencil from a gaurd. It was confiscated after twenty-four hours. They knew the God of Mischief could use it for anything. Even escape.

However, escape is futile. I break out and run. Where have I to go? How long would I have until they caught me and extended my sentence? On that note... how long is my sentence? How long do I have left until freedom?

What is freedom?

I look out the glass wall that tortures me so. Only a glass wall between me and the world.

"Loki Laufeyson," a hear a voice from nowhere.

"...Yes?" I answer hesitantly, almost scared, for I have no idea what they want.

"You are to be released in ten minutes," the voice speaks again. "Then you shall be escorted to the castle."

Ten minutes now stands in place of the glass and is all the separates me from freedom. "Thank you."

Though I am excited for freedom, to be able to live my life, to see the sun and feel the cool breeze on my face, I feel conflicted. I must go to the castle first. The castle where Odin, Frigga, and Thor reside. Before I can face the world I must face my 'family'.

Ten minutes. I stare into space and try to clear my thoughts. Nine minutes. Mark.


	2. Chapter 2

"Laufeyson. Get up." It was the voice from earlier, but she now had a face. Not one I recognised, but one I was relieved to see. I hadn't seen any other faces in years, besides the relfection of my own in the glass of the wall, which the woman was standing infront of.

I stood, and the glass wall rose, leaving nothing between the woman and I. Then I saw the rope in her hands. Great.

I some-what willingly allowed her to bind my hands, a precaution she took because she knew better than to trust me. She showed this again by gesturing for three guards to come surround me, one on each side and one behind, with the lady in front.

'How many times will I be marched down a corridor?' I asked myself.

Out the large double doors and down the corridor we went, the rope burning my skin as I tried to adjust my wrists to be more comfortable, an unachievable goal.

The main doors swung open and immediately I was blinded. There was nothing. Whiteness and light.

I blinked a few times, and my eyes adjusted. Snow. The whiteness was snow. Had it become winter already? How close were the holidays?

The chill of the winter would be unpleasent to those who had warmth in their blood, but to me, it was soothing.

My bare feet sunk into an inch or so of cold snow. I tried to hide the smile playing at my lips, but it was near impossible. Many of my best memories had come from playing in the snow.

Mother had always said my brother and I would catch ill we were out so much! Though, now I suppose she directed her words toward my brother...

I snapped myself out of the daydream. How could I use the word 'brother' when he hadn't come to visit me once? How could I call Frigga 'mother' when she had lied to me?

I suppose I had to admit, silently to myself, that I was secretly hoping they would accept me as family. They had before, why not now? I also had to admit that I hated what I'd done, and my family were the only people who could help me.

Before I realized it, we were walking up the steps to the palace.

'I can't go in there. No. It's not happening!' I thought to myself, "But... but I must!'

I didn't have an option either way, as the matter was. I was lead into the main lobby, down the main corridor, and finally into the trial room which was at the end of the corridor. This is where the guards stopped, but I was motioned to sit in a seat, small and uncomfortable looking, infront of Odin, who was behind a stand.

I didn't understand exactly why I was called here; I had been through trial before my imprisonment, yet here I was. Though, I did notice a significant lack of people, and the people there were not in a normal court position.

A few people, other guards I assumed, were standing by the door. A few important people sat in the back of the large room, I suppose to serve witness or to listen over this apperently urgent conversation. Thor stood to the left of Odin, and Frigga to his right. This ensemble gave me a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I didn't like.

I tried to get comfortable in the chair and rested my hands on the small table infront of me for a moment before holding them out. "Mind unbinding me?"

Odin nodded to one of the guards, who then pulled out a knife and, with one swift movement, cut the rope that bound my hands. For a moment, I feared he might have cut me, but his skill was great.

As the guard resumed his place, Odin's loud voice boomed, "Do you know why it is we have called you here?"

"As a matter of fact, that was what I was just wondering," I said, rubbing my wrists where they had rope burns, "The guards who lead me down here were more reserved than chatty." This use of sarcasm miffed him slightly, I could tell by the look in his eye. I shouldn't have done it, but it slipped off my silver tounge before I could control it.

"You are here," stated the Allfather, ignoring my comment, "Because of your actions against Asgard and Midgard."

"Aah, that!" I could not stop the smirk from spreading across my face, but quickly it vanished, and I sat straighter. "About that-"

"Your actions have not, and still do not go unpunished," Odin cut me off, "You have served your time in captivity, and I well hope you have thought better of your previous actions." As I was about to tell him that I had, he continued, "Just as a precaution, I shall list a mere fraction of your crimes."

"No, that's really not nessicary.." I tried to stop him, but he persisted.

"Arson, Assault, Disturbing the peace, Homicide, Manslaughter, Murder, Treason-"

"I GET IT!" I shouted, not bothering to care about the outburst, but sounding calmer when I continued. "Look, I'll be the first to admit, I did some horrific things that I'm not prideful of. However, I will also point out you have already given me trial, listed EVERY. BLASTED. ONE. of my crimes, and imprisoned me for YEARS. Do you, oh great Allfather," this I said with sarcasm, "deem it nessicary to resurface and repeat what has made sure I do not eat or sleep? The things that are responsible for taking my sanity? The things that kill me inside?! I know I've caused you pain, but you've caused me pain aswell! Admit to that!"

"After all you'd done, I had little doubt that a monster such as yourself could feel pain and emotion such as you claim!" Odin roared.

Nobody gaped or gasped. There was only silence as the horrid word echoed in my mind.

Monster.

The Allfather took advantage of my silence and spoke again.

"And as King of Asgard, Allfather, I have come to a decision. In front of witness and with the approval of the Odinson family, I hereby disown you."

His voice did not break. There were no tears in his eyes, nor Frigga's, nor Thor's. Though, there were in mine.

"You are dismissed, Laufeyson."

Laufeyson.

This label became, in that instant, as much an insult as 'monster', but I suppose that was who I had become.

Loki Laufeyson, the monster.

_**~AN~**_

_Oh my god guys the entire chapter was like cut fromthe version you guys are reading I'm soooo sorry! I FIXED IT THOUGH UGH IM SOO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY *curls up in a ball*_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_


	3. Chapter 3

I made my way back to my old chambers, the only place I had left where I was safe. Was I safe there, though? Odin and Frigga's and Thor's chambers were near by, and since the palace was the only place I had to stay, I would have to see them often.

No I didn't. I didn't have to see anyone.

I walked over to the corner of the room that had once been MY room, and was now just a room, filled to the celing with memories that felt like a stab to the heart each.

I sat there, in that corner, just as I had for all those years in prison, without bothering to light a candle or open a curtain. The darkness comsumed my physical form, but it had already, long ago, consumed my mind.

I stared into that darkness and relived, unwillingly, the events of the day, so far.

{Monster!}  
{Laufeyson!}  
{Murder!}  
{Treason!}

My mind echoed the words back to me over and over for many minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Days to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to Years...

Or it could have all been within a second. You lose track of time in the dark labrynth of your mind.

The labyrinth brought me to the day I'd fallen into the abyss. The darkness surrounding me as it did now, my heart and mind racing. I remember every thought, every emotion I'd felt that day.

The Day of Falling, I call it.

Though, I'm constantly falling, am I not? Falling from the the platform that held my family, my safety...

My Sanity.

You would think that after years of prison, so many I cannot remember, I would have forgotten The Day of Falling. Instead I remember every detail of the hours-long fall that lead to the same place as my dreams lead:

The Year of Pain.

Speaking of sleep, it was then I felt my eyelids become heavy, and so I leaned against the wall and fell into, what for others is the comfort of sleep, but for me is merely the road back to pain.

_**~AN~**_

_So this was just kind of a filler chapter to me because in the next chapter, you get to see what happened when Loki landed after The Day of Falling! Oh, Yes. Chapter 4, "The Year of Pain". That one's probably going to be longer and features a new character: THANOS! DUN DUN DUN!_

_COMMENTFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE  
TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_


	4. Chapter 4

_**~AN~**_

_I'm going to apologize in advance because I said that this chapter was going to be longer... Well, I lied. It is a bit longer than some chapters, but it's not like forever scrolling huge amount of detail. I already had half of this chapter written when I began this account yesterday, so I stayed up last night finishing it. Don't expect me to get these chapters out every day or even every week. I have been kind of busy as of recent, so I'm sorry I won't be uploading regularly._

_COMMENTFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

Falling. I remember falling. Falling faster and faster, never reaching anywhere, never seeing anything but the darkness. Only the darkness.

That was the Day of Falling. What came after that? What came after darkness?

More darkness. A different kind of darkness. Not the darkness you are aware of. The darkness that you fear. It was the kind of darkness that envelopes you when you lose conciousness.

It was hard to tell how long I had been out. Minutes. Days. Again, the track of time had been lost. It was never something I'd been keen on, but it hadn't helped me.

And besides, it didn't matter either way. The question then was not 'When' but 'Where'. Or even possibly 'How' the fall from another realm hadn't killed me. Or maybe even 'What'. What was I thinking when I fell? Did I want to die? That was a question I could never fully answer. Not then. Not now.

I was lying on my back, staring at the stars. I attempted to sit up, but found that the slightest movement sent my head spinning. I reached a hand up to hold my head, which had apperently taken a hard blow when I'd hit the ground. I felt the blood, sickeningly warm and sticky. I had seen my own blood many times, but this time it was different.

My lay there, unable to do anything for a while. Think. Move. I tried to heal myself, but my magic was out.

Hopelessness is a feeling that kills you in a way you can only know if you've felt hopeless before. When you're in pain, but you cannot stop it. When you're angered, but nothing can solve your problem. When you're sad, but all the world does is depress you. When Valhalla has a grudge against you.

I blacked out once more, probably from blood loss. For once, Valhalla had done me a favor.

No. I wouldn't say that. Because that's when he found me. Thanos.

Oh, those first few days were like Valhalla. He gave me a house of my own, brought me the finest confections the realm had to offer, and he told me that I could rule the Nine Realms. I had only thought this to be encouragement. But it was so much more.

He told me to meet him in the central area of his small, uncharted realm. I complied. He had been nothing but pleasent to me, right? Wrong.

Waiting for me was a flogging post. I was whipped twenty times that first day of pain. Twenty. Then I was left there. Thanos allowed my magic use for a few minutes, so I could heal myself. I payed no attention to this minute detail, but oh was I wrong to.

After I'd healed myself, I'd went back to the house Thanos had provided. Gotten some rest. That was the last time I'd ever slept.

The next morning I was dragged from the house forcibly. My struggling did no good. There, waiting were three old friends: The Flogging Post, the Whip, and it's holder, none other than Thanos himself.

Thirty times I was whipped that day. The numbers just kept going up. he stopped at two-hundred. That one took a full week for me to heal it. But in that time he didn't stop there, oh no. That would be too easy.

When Inwas not in my new prisoner cell, I was beaten multiple times. Stabbed. Tortured in every way possible. I would be at the very edge of death, and Thanos would give me the power to heal myself. Why I kept healing myself, I do not know. I kept thinking that the torture would stop. That he would let me live in peace. How many times was i wrong that year?

About eleven months of torture later, he found out what I had done eleven months ago on Asgard. He struck a nerve, torturing me now with words about the family I'd once known. He told me that I could prove them wrong.

My task was to get him the tesseract. Once I came back with it, he would take siezure of the Nine Realms and give Asgard to me. But I refused. He would double cross me, I knew. Then, he said that if I did not, he would torture me for a milenium more if I did not.

How could I say no?

And thus he gave me Spirod, my sceptor, and brought me my armour. He showed me maps of Midgard, where the tesseract was held. he taught me of S.H.I.E.L.D. and how they worked. Another month passed and I was ready. I was sent to Midgard through the tesseract, and then began the Battle of New York. I'm sure you have heard of the Battle, so I find no need to explain it to you again.

Once back in Asgard, I had my trial, and I was imprisoned. You know this as well. But there was one moment in particular about my imprisonment I remember:

The moment I realized that all those times I wished I'd died at the hands of Thanos... I had died. The man I once was was no longer there. I was now an empty shell of Loki Odinson-Laufeyson. With that said, I began to think. I was free from Thanos, but memories of him still haunted me. Was I free?

What is freedom?


	5. Chapter 5

_**~AN~**_

_I would like to apologize for this chapter not being as long or as good as I'd hoped, but I wrote this all in a few hours while talking to my friend, NatCat, who helped with an idea for these next few chapters. Thanks, Mini-Rage! :) Also, I want to point out that this story has so many reviews already! THANK YOUS! I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I opened my eyes witth the first round of kocks at my door. Who on Asgard would think of visiting me? It didn't matter. I didn't want to see anyone, nor did I want anyone to see me. So, I simply sat there in the same position I'd been in the night before.

_Knock, knock, knock_. Go away. _Knock, knock, knock_. I don't want you here. _Knock, knock, knock_. I swear if I hear one more knock...

_Knock kn-_

__"WHAT?!" I shouted, all of my patience gone. "What is so important that you must come and REPETITIVELY knock on my door, when it is evident that I DO NOT WANT COMPANY?!"

There was silence, and I was begining to think that whomever was there had left. That was, until I heard an old, familiar voice. Booming, even when it was quiet.

"Loki...? May I come in?" asked none other than the Golden Son of Asgard himself.

"No," I replied simply.

"Why not?" he asked, sounding hurt. He did not have the right to sound hurt. To be hurt.

I stood and stormed over to the door, which I swung open. "WHY NOT?!'" I shouted. "Because you didn't seem to want anything to do with me when you DISOWNED ME!" I could tell without a mirror my face was turning blue. I didn't want that side of myself to show. It just reminded me of my pain. Thor took advantage of my trying to calm myself and spoke.

"What are you talking about, Loki?" he asked. "I heard you were released, and I came to see you, brother."

I was recovered enough to say, throught gritted teeth, "I'm not your brother... or I'm not anymore."

He looked confused, frustrated, and angry at the same time. "Would you let that go? We grew up together! We fought together! Do not say you no not remember, Loki!"

"We have been through this, Thor. And if you want me to accept you so much, then why did you just stand by as Odin disowned me? As he called me Laufeyson, and cast me out of the family!" I didn't realize I'd been yelling. I couldn't stop the rage now. "Don't you DARE come in here and call me "brother" when you did nothing to stop Odin. I spent every day in prison, where you did not visit me ONCE, reliving in mu mind over and over again the events before and during New York. Do you not think I have been throuogh enough trauma and pain without you disowning me?! I had faith that you, of all people, would be waiting wiht open arms to help me. I guess I was wrong about you, Thor. You DON'T care! You NEVER cared, did you?!" I could see that my words stung him. Good. He deserved pain. He, Frigga, and Odin all did.

His face showed some understanding, but not of what I was saying, I knew. He looked distant. "I must speak with Odin at once." And then he was gone, and I was alone.

I closed the door and leaned my back against it, then sliding down to the floor. "He acts so innocent," I commented to myself. "I remeber when his innocence was true, and when he was genuine in calling me 'brother'." I lauged slightly. "And when my mind wasn't plagued with nightmares of Thanos, of darkness, and of falling."

The truth, I did not remember those days at all. I just imagined what they would have been like. Afterv years and years of white walls and glass, I'd forgotten anything other than what was there, aside from the repeating nightmares. I didn't remember them, but I longed for them.

But i have learned many times over, you don't always get what you desire.


	6. Chapter 6

_**~AN~**_

_I would like to, again, apologize for this being an incredibly shorrrrrrrt chapter, but I was NOT motivated to write today, but hey! 6 chapters in 3 days! Be happy with what'cha get! I'm glad I could even get to writing today ughhh #NOTINSPIRED I had to have NatCat, my bestie and fellow Loki's Army Member, help me out again because I don't think things through. But yeah. You know the drill._

_REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE_

_TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

Questions. So many of them raced through my mind. Why did Thor pretend to be so innocent? Why did he need to speak to Odin? Would he come back to annoy me even more? Then it struck me: Why was I still there? I no longer had a family here. I had no reason for being there. Why didn't I just leave?

I stood. Was there anything here worth bringing? Clothes, a few books, perhaps. I put a few outfits and books, more spellbooks than novels, into a bag. I opened and stepped out the door. Most people would sit in the room crying, looking over photos and journals. Sentiment. I simply walked out with no thought to it other than, "Goodbye, my evil past."

I walked down the long hallway which branched out into the main hallway. Just a hallway from... freedom? No. Not freedom. I would be free from the house of Odin, but my pain was far from over, and I was not free from it.

On my way, I passed the double doors to the throne room. I would have payed no mind, other than the fact that the snippet of conversation than I heard sparked an interest in me.

"I went to visit Loki just a while ago. He said something kind of interesting." There was silence from the Allfather, so Thor continued. "He seems to think that we've disowned him. Now, where would he get such an idea?" I peeked in through a crack in the door, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Not mother. She wouldn't spread such a rumor. Not Heimdall. He doesn't get caught up in matters such as that. Not Lady Sif, nor the Warriors Three. They never liked him, but they wouldn't tell him something like that. And most certainly not me. So who does that leave, Allfather?" He glared at Odin. "What did you do?"

The Allfather sighed. "After he was released I brought him in. I know you and your mother would never consent to disowning him, so I had Rhea, my adviser, make duplicates of you and Frigga. I doubt the monster meant a word he said about regretting his actions-" Thor had heard enough.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL LOKI A MONSTER!" he shouted. "He is my brother, whether you accept him or not! If anyone is the monster here, it's you! You did not see him as I saw him this morning! He regrets his actions, truly and honestly!" His face was red with anger. "If you disown him, then you disown me as well, because no matter what he has done in the past, or what he may do in the future, Loki is my brother!"

That was the moment I lost my balance and slipped, pushing the door opened. My only thought as I felt two pairs of eyes pierce into me was, "Gods of Valhalla, help me now."


	7. Chapter 7

_**~AN~**_

_Sorry not sorry. You'll understand once you read. REVIEWFAVORTIEFOLLOWSHARE TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

"Loki?" Thor said as he turned to me. He seemed genuinely concerned about me. Well, so did Odin, but in a different way.

"How much of that did you hear?" the Allfather asked.

"Enough to know that you lied to me once more," I said, picking myself up off the floor. "And they call me the God of Lies... Maybe we do share blood, Odin. You don't seem to have a problem lying to not only me, but Thor, Frigga, and all of Asgard. I have to say, I'm not as shocked as I should be." I allowed a small smirk to cross my face. "Oh, wait until all of Asgard hears about this. Odin Allfather, their King, going behind his family's back to disown the Lost Prince of Joutenheim. How do you expect them to trust you after word gets out?"

"It won't, or I will have your lips sewn shut," he shot back.

"Fair enough, but that wouldn't help the fact that they would know of your deception."

"And what of your deception, liesmith? Your transgressions far outnumber mine," Odin said, "And do you truly think Asgard will gather behind a frost giant? The people agree with the sentence I have given you, no matter the way it was brought about!"

Then it struck me. What had been hid under a vail from me all these years was suddenly clear.

"You've just been waiting to disown me, haven't you?" I asked, more rhetorically than not. "From the moment you found me I was just a peace object, nothing more. You consoled me to stop a rebellion. Oh, but you failed. Now that you've found that I create war, not peace, you've just been looking for a way to throw me out of your family, right?" I looked him dead in the eyes... eye. "Well, you got what you wanted. Goodbye, Allfather," I spat before picking up my bag and exiting the throne room.

I felt the burning in my throat and behind my eyes, but I did not let them get the better of me as I stormed down the hallways and out to the front of the castle, paying no attention to the footsteps behind me and a voice booming, "Loki, wait!"

My head was spinning. All of my thoughs jumbled to one, and I couldn't focus. It was as though everything was a dream, a lucid yet horrid dream. I couldn't feel anything other than the lump in my throat, the fire behind my eyes, and the pounding of my heart.

In the heat of the moment, I found myself dropping the bag and walking toward the Bifrost, which had still not been fixed.

Walking.

Running.

Sprinting.

Jumping.


	8. Chapter 8

_**~AN~**_

_Okay, I'm slightly sorry for this one. Only very slightly though. Oh, by the way, HAI NATALIE! MAKE YOUR ACCOUNT NOW!  
REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE  
TAHTAHFORNOW  
~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist instead of the adrenaile and fear of falling. I looked up into blue eyes that conveyed a mixture of anger, fear, and sorrow.

"I will not lose you this way again brother," he said, his voice as troubled as his eyes. "Give me your other hand." I looked from Thor to the abyss, then back to Thor. "Loki, please."

I reached my free hand up to grab his. As soon as his grip on my hands was firm, he began to pull me up and onto the Bifrost. I could feel myself trembling, and holding back the tears was becoming too much for me to handle. He just have noticed, too, because he said, "It's okay, Loki." His voice was purposfully calm and gentle, as if he were helping a small child down from a playset, not helping his once-brother up from the edge of the Bifrost.

Once I was standing safely on the rainbow bridge, Thor looked into my eyes and asked if I was alright. I didn't respond. I hadn't heard him. My mind was elsewhere. Back in the throne room. All at once I collapsed onto my knees, and the tears had forced their way out of my eyes. Once they began to fall, they would not stop.

I could feel Thor put an arm around me. "It's okay, you're safe now.." I could hear his mumbles of comfort, but only as though his words were muffled by something. And anyways, his words did nothing to console me.

I had no idea how much time had passed before I had run out of tears. I still had the feeling that nothing was reality. It was all a nightmare. Oh, but the pain was real.

I let out a shaky breath and stood. Thor also stood, but did not remove his arm. I looked down at the Bifrost, not wanting to look him in the eyes. I wanted to leave, but I did not know where to go. Apperently, Thor did, because he said, "Come along," and lead me away from the bridge.

His solution was to go back inside the castle. Back to my room, more specifically. i was not thrilled by thid, but I was too emotionally exhausted to argue wiht him over it. Besides, he seemed to be more mentally stable than I was in the moment, so I forced myself to trust him.

I just stood there as he closed the door behind us. He must have expected me to move. I didn't think to until his hand was on my shoulder, and he lead me over to my black reclining chair that I used to sit on when i would read, seeing as the lighting was always best there during the day.

"Sit," Thor said. And I did in an almost robotic manner. "How're you feeling?" he asked. I didn't respond. "Loki, please, talk to me."

"I don't know," responded after a while. I did not recognize my own voice. it sounded to broken and rough to be mine, but it was.

"what do you mean?" Thor asked, concern in his voice.

I thought. "I mean that I do not know. All of my thoughts and emotions are all mixed together to create something that I cannot explain." I asssumed he either understood and did not have a reply, or did not understand, but didn't want to press me farther because he did not say anything after that.

It was a while of staring out into the distance before my eyelids became heavy and I began drifting into sleep due to mental exhaustion. I had been too niave to escape the nightmare that was my life to remember that waiting for me in the place where dreams should be were even more nightmares, each one more horrible than the last.


	9. Chapter 9

_**~AN~**_

_I'm going to apologize because 1.) There are probably alot of spelling and grammatical errors in these past chapters (aswell as this one), however my computer doesn't have spell check, nor does my iPod soooo.. 2.) This chapter is kindof hard to follow. If it helps, the title of the chapter on Wattpad is __Five Nightmares__.3.) I wrote all these chapters whilest I had no school, so since I have school for the next 4 days (school was canceled today due to tornado devastation) my updates might be slower. HOWEVER! I think this is my longest chapter yet, which I'm proud of. 712 words I think. WHOOP WHOOP! You know the drill: REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE, TAHTAHFORNOW_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I was standing in front of Thanos. He was smirking at me. Then I saw the whip in his hand. I tried to run, but as soon as i would turn and run, there would be Thanos waiting, whip in hand. The next thing I knew, I was chained to the flogging post as I had been many times during the year of pain. I felt a stinging in my back, as if I had already been flogged. Had I? I saw the blood surrounding me through clouded vision. I heard a dark voice from behind. "You have failed your mission, Laufeyson." Then the crack of a whip, and it was blackness.

More darkness. Then I began to see stars. Not in a metaphorical sence, in a literal sence. I was dangling above the abyss again. I felt something around my wrist. A hand. Thor's hand. He was holding me up, keeping me from falling. "Give me your other hand." I looked from Thor, to the abyss, then back to Thor. "Loki, please" i reached up a hand to grab his arm. A look of relief passed over is face before he realized, I was using my hand to pull his hand off of my wrist. As soon as I was free from his grasp, I fell. "LOKI, NO!" was all I heard before blackness swept over me again.

When I opened my eyes I saw ice. Lots of it, everywhere. There was someone in the distance. I couldn't make out a face, so I ventured closer. Eventually, I saw it was Laufey. His red eyes bore into me. It took me a moment to relize that red was staring into red. I was one of them. A frost giant. My skin was blue. My natural form. "My son," Laufey said, his voice deep and cold. "Are you ready to destroy Asgard?" I found myself replying, "Yes, father." I was teleported to Asgard in the instant. The heat hit hard, making me feel as though I were on fire. Aesir surrounded me. In front of me stood a face that seemed familiar. The Prince of Asgard. "Why are you here, Prince Laufeyson of Joutenheim?" Thor asked me coldly. "You surely must know of our truce. Without replying, I found myself thrusting an ice dagger through his heart. A part of me cheered, but a part of me creamed in horror at my actions. He fell to his knees, and the aesir immediately began to attack. A blast of magic surrounded me, and I simply saw light. That was all. A white light.

I was flying in on a hoverboard of Chitauri technology. I only knew this because the light of the explosion had faded. I could see the Avengers in every direction I turned my head, fighting off Chitauri and ordering police around. It was cute how the thought they could defeat me. I would soon conquer New York, as they called it, and then all of Midgard. I would subjugate them all, and Thanos would be off my back. He would have his tesseract, and I would have my crown, and even Thor would kneel to me. How wonderful this would turn out... Then the next thing I knew I was in Stark Tower, standing before the green rage monster himself. He picked me up and slung me about. I was smashed into the pavement multiple times before he left me there. I gasped for air, a wheezing sound coming out instead of air going in. My head ached badly, and so I blacked out.

I awoke to find myself with my hands chained behind my back, a muzzle over my mouth, and I was on my knees before the throne. Before Odin, Frigga, and Thor. "Your birthright was to die as a child, cast out on a frozen rock!" Odin boomed. "Always such a disappointment. I thought you would grow up strong, like Thor. Why can't you be more like him?" chimmed in Frigga. Her words hurt more than Odin's, but I think the one word that came from the mouth of Thor was the one that hurt the most, more than anything anyone had ever said to me. What was it the Golden Son of Asgard had said?

"Laufeyson."


	10. Chapter 10

_**~AN~**_

_GUYS. OVER 1.1K WORDS ON THIS CHAPTER ALONE. I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. WHOO! Keep those reviews coming guys! And I'm sorry but this chapter is just... feels overload. At least, for me. Also, should I start a Sifki (Sif/Loki) Fanfic after I finish this? _

_R.F.F.S. (REVIEWFAVORITEFOLLOWSHARE) T.T.F.N. (TAHTAHFORNOW0_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

My eyes snapped open. I was in my room. Thor had not left. I could tell without breaking my stare at the celing because I felt his hand resting on my arm, as it had been when I'd slipped into the Land of Nightmares. He'd been trying to comfort me and must have fallen asleep aswell.

I looked down at his sleeping form, his head using the edge of the chair as a pillow. I slowly moved his hand off of my arm and stood, walking over to the window and opening the blinds. It was late night or extremely early morning, judging by the sky. I let out a sigh and began pacing, something I did often. I tried to recap what had happened, so I wouldn't be too confused and I could figure out what to do next.

'Thor didn't know I was disowned. He went to talk to Odin. I decided to leave. How did I end up in the throne room?' I thought silently. 'Aah, yes. I fell. Note to self; do not get caught up in others conversations so as you make a fool of your self.' I sighed.

'What next... Odin and I fought. I was hanging off the Bifrost... Why?' I racked my brain for a few minutes as I pieced it together backwards. 'I jumped... I was running... Why was I running? Had it been like the Day of Falling? When I was no longer able to take anymore and found my solution in the abyss..?' That is what I'd concluded. It also brought me to a note-to-self: Try to not be so rash and/or suicidal.

Afterwards I simply sat on the edge of my bed. There was nothing to keep my thoughts from wondering off, and so I hummed a little tune that I vaguely remembered. A song from my youth. The lyrics has escaped me, but the tune was there, and had been there through all the years of imprisonment. I was so caught up in the tune that I hadn't noticed Thor had woken, and he was looking at me. When I did notice, I cut the tune off.

"I remember that song," he commented. "Mother would sing it to us when we were children."

"You seem to remember alot of things I do not," was my reply. "For instance our lives before your coronaton..."

There was silence, which I hated, but I didn't dare hum any more. I stared at the floor, praying that the horror of my mind wouldn't take over. Thor didn't give it a chance.

"Perhaps I can help with that," Thor said. I could tell he had to try extremely hard to not tack 'brother' onto the end of it. That bothered me. "Tell me what you do remember, and I'll fill in the blanks."

I sighed. Should I give in? He only had the intentions of helping, and I supposed he'd been hurt enough that week. Not that I hadn't been, but I figured it best to play along. "Fine," I sighed. What was my first memory? How far back could I go? "Let's see..." I mumbled. This would take some thought. "I suppose my first memory is when you, Odin, and I would take those trips down to the lake and stay down there for a few days..." I saw a small smile form on his lips.

"That's right," he said, " Once while we were down there we encountered a bildesnipe.. Do you remember that?"

I thought. No matter how hard I thought, I could not remember encountering a bildesnipe on one of those trips, so i voiced this. "No, however, I do remember when you dragged me out on one of your little adventures when we were but teenagers,and we encountered one..." I let a small smirk form here. "And I saved your life."

He laughed. "Oh, please! I could have fought the beast off, even had you not used your magic!"

"Oh, is that so?" I said with a light chuckle. "Because you seemed pretty terrified for your life! I remember your screaming like a little girl!"

"Then your memory doesn't serve you correct, after all. It was a Warrior's Battle cry!"

"Yes, while you ran from the beast!" It was then that I realized that I was smiling. An actual smile. When had the last time I'd smiled been? I tried to hide my notice of the smile by saying, "I suppose we're even now."

"What do you mean?" Thor asked, a smile still prominent. He stood and walked me, and sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

"I saved you from the bildesnipe, and you saved me from falling just yesterday." After I said this I thought. "It was yesterday, correct? Time seems to always get jumbled up in my head..."

His smile was gone. "Yes, it was yesterday...Which reminds me, why did you jump?" His eyes bore into me again. They always did that. even in our youth, whihc is one more thing I remember. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. To respond for that matter. "Loki, you can tell me."

"I.." I began, but I couldn't bring myself to finish. The feeling I'd felt so many times before consumed me. He would think I was weak if I told him. That I was trying to take the easy way out. I'd always been the weaker baby brother. Always just the weaker baby brother. Another memory.

"Do you remember when you forced me to attend warrior training with you? I didn't want to because I knew what would happen, but you insisted. Everyone there was good at it already. You, Hogun, Fandral, Volstagg, Sif... And I hadn't fought or trained. 'Oh, no, brother, you'll be fine!' you kept telling me. And I believed you, too. Until I was nearly killed by one of the Warriors, so I used my magic. They never let me live that down. I was taking the easy way, they said. I was too weak to fight like a real warrior. 'Real warriors fight with their swords and shields, and they die a warrior's death. There is no magic!' I was so sick of the taunting, the never ending taunting. So I locked myself away in here with my books for a while. And once more I was taking the easy way out of my problems, hiding from them. Even you thought I was weak because of this. Do not deny it. I saw it in the same eyes that pierce into me now! You thought i was weak. And that," I said with a sigh. "Is why I cannot tell you."

It took him a while to let this sink in. Then he finally replied, "I did not know how much my actions hurt you, bro-..." He knew to stop himself. "However, that was then when my actions and thoughts were persuaded by my peers. Not like now, Loki. You can say what you need to." He paused again. "I think I understand what you mean, though. That you..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Didn't exactly intend to land safely on another realm?" i finished for him. "No. I did not."

And then without warning he did something that I guess I'd been wishing he'd do. I'd been subconsiosly waiting since forever. He hugged me, and in that hug I found the comfort I'd been looking for since Valhalla knows when. And I owed him for it.


	11. Chapter 11

_**~AN~**_

_I don't know why, but I just feel like this doesn't need an author's note... uhm... bare with me if there's any grammatical/spelling errors, per always... and uhm... R.F.F.S. T.T.F.N.! _

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

_It was then that we saw it. It was easily thrice our size. Its teeth were sharp, bared at us, as the beast let out a deafening roar. Thor stood, unaware of what had made the sound, or that the one who had made such a noise was charging at him. Immediately I'd yelled, "BROTHER!" He turned, but almost too late. By the time Mjolnir had been summoned, the Bildesnipe would have gotten to him. Luckily, it hadn't. I'd used my magic to create a force field in front of him. It wasn't near strong enough to hold the beast off for long, only for that small moment. By the time the beast had recovered, Thor was ready with his hammer. I didn't give him the time to use his might on the Bildsnipe. I pulled him away, knowing that he would only get himself, and possibly me, injured... or worse. He was strong, fast, and an excellent warrior, but the Bildesnipe could still have easily have torn him apart, and I did not want to risk losing my brother. It was his rash thinking and pride that pulled him away from me and toward the beast. 'We should never have come against Father's will,' I found myself thinking. Thor was giving his all against the beast, getting some good swings and throws of his hammer in. I took a moment to think, but I was quickly snapped out of my strategic thoughts by a cry that pierced through the air like a knife. The Bildesnipe was charging at him once more, this time with his sharp antlers ready to stab Thor through the chest. It was then that my own rash thouhts and actions threw me in front of Thor, in front of the Bildesnipe. I soon felt the pain in my chest as the antlers-_

"Brother?" came Thor's voice from outside my door. I closed my journal from all those many years ago and looked up at the door.

"Yes.." I replied. My head was still spinning from the memories I hadn't remembered until then, and the adreniline of the past situation was making my heart pound harder than it should have been. As if I had just lived the incident instead of re-lived it.

He opened the door slightly. "Do you mind my company?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I could actually..." use some company. But I couldn't say it. i couldn't let him know I needed him. It was, as I called it, 'my wall' that refused to allow anyone access to my thoughts and/or feelings.

"You could actually...?" he pressed on.

"Never mind," I said with a sigh.

Thor opened the door the rest of the way and entered, then shutting the door behind him. He walked over to where I was sitting in my chair. "What's that?" he asked.

"Just... Some old journal," I replied nonchalantly.

"May I see?" was his next question

"I would rather you not." I stood and set the journal back on a shelf with the others. "Why have you come?"

"Just to check up on you," he replied. "I mean after yesterdays events I thought..."

I didn't mean that I didn't want his company, but I wasn't used to having people actually want to be around me.

"No, it's fine.." I said. "I was just wondering."

"How are you doing?" he asked, knowing that if I said I was fine, it would be a lie. I said I was fine anyways, despite myself. He just nodded, understanding that I simply didn't want to tell him how I felt. He was always very excepting of those things.

It was a while of silence before Thor spoke again. "Broth-..." he stopped himself.

"No," I muttered, looking from the floor to him. "Continue."

"Brother," continued, unsure of himself. "You must know I'm always here for you, no matter the case."

"I know," I mumbled, looking back to the floor. He had a way of making even me feel guilt for pushing him away.

"Do you?" he asked. "Because it seems to me that you do not. Especially since you did not have the faith in me to know I would not have disowned you."

"You were there," I explained. "Well, a projection of you.. And He said that he had your consent. I had faith in you and Frigga until that point." Then a thought struck me. "Speaking of the Queen, why has she not come to visit her 'dearest son'?"

At my sarcasm he shot me a glare, but he answered me nonetheless. "Mother does not know of your release; I heard it by accident from a guard."

"Well then," I said, "Perhaps we should pay her a visit."

"Loki, I do not think that wise. You know as well as I that you would lash out at her, despite her love for you."

"Perhaps so, perhaps not. You shall never find out if we do not go, Thor." I was anxious to see her, though I realized that what Thor had said was true. I would have lashed out upon her.

"Loki, we are not going," he stated. "However, if I think you can handle it... I shall allow you to see her during the Holidays and then after." I looked to him, telling him with my eyes that this was not fair, that I was as much a man as he and could make my own desicions. This did not alter his opinion. "Brother, you are not ready. I am only trying to protect you, an your relationship to Frigga." And I knew this to be true, so I argued with him no more.

"How long is it until the Holidays?" I asked, realizing that I still hadn't any grasp of time's passing.

"A week from now," he answered. "But I have faith that, if you trust me, you will be ready to face her."

"Trust you?" I chuckled, letting a mocking a heart-felt expression form on my face. "What, do expect me to open up, share with you some deep, dark secrets, and through spending time with my dearest brother and voicing my true emotions I can finally come to peace with myself and my past?" I let the expression fall from my face. "Please, Thor. I am not so niave. I may have told you some things in the early morning, but do not expect it to become habitual."

"I did not intend to hint that you were niave, Loki, but the least you can do is help me to understand you," he said, shooting me a look. "And this is what I mean. You cannot contain your sarcasm and hurtful words toward me, and I cannot imagine the words you would have with mother."

I simply rolled my eyes. "Then what do you want from me?"

"I'm not asking you to tell me secrets or voice your emotions, only that you talk to me as you did in our youth. Do you remember those days? When we were insperable. Brothers, bound together. It seems that since the second Battle of Jöutenheim, our relationship has changed. You would have never lashed out on me then," he pointed out. "Do not give me your speach on sentimentality. I do not see you as a memory of our childhood. I see you as my brother then, and my brother now. If we can not talk as brothers and act like brothers, then there is not hope for you to mend our broken relationship. And if you cannot manage to do that, then I do not expect you to be able to mend your relationship with Frigga, who loves you just as much as I do. I just ask that you try. Try to talk to me. Try to be the brother you once were, and in turn I will try to be the brother I once was to you."

I hesitated. "What do you wish to talk about?"

Thor thought for a moment before asking, "Why is it that you want to see mother so bad?"

"I suppose... I suppose I..." I couldn't finish, for I did not know. It took a few minutes time before I answered. "I just... need to see her." It was a short and vague answer, I know, but it was true. For some unexplainable reason, I knew I had to see her, and I hoped she felt the same.


	12. Chapter 12- Part One

_**~AN~**_

_THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:__ Okay, first of all, this chapter is split into two parts, because otherwise it would be 5K+ words, and many of you reaaaaly wanted a chapter ASAP. So here you go. ALSO. I just realized that you did not get the full version of Chapter 2, so I fixed it! Go re read that please, and uhm... yeah. Also, if you do not like feels that completely rip your soul to shreds, DO NOT READ THIS FANFICTION ANYMORE. DatNatCatThoe knows why. Speaking of, my friend DatNatCatThoe will be posting soon, so go follow her! Okay! I think that's it! R.F.F.S.T.T.F.N._

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

~Seven Days~

"Anything else you wish to know? Or shall I have to start a conversation?" I asked.

"Would you mind my asking what happened after you fell from the Bifrost?" Thor clearly didn't understand the weight of that question, for I had not answered it, and I did not wish to.

"You're not there yet," I responded.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his brow furrowing in curiosity.

"I don't feel comfortable enough around you to tell you yet," I replied honestly.

"We'll have to fix that," Thor commented. "In the mean time, what do you not mind speaking about?"

I thought. "Anything that does not revolve around anything before your corrnation," I answered finally. He sighed and tried to find a topic of conversation.

"You were reading through your journals when I came in. Things of the past. How much of the past do you actually remember?" he finally asked.

"Much more after refreshing my memory... but only some things," was my reply.

"Such as?" he asked.

"Such as... the full details of our Bildesnipe encounter," I began. "And your coming-of-age party, during which there were fireworks and Fandral nearly caught himself on fire..." He chuckled at this. "And how you hardly ever spoke to me in our teenage years, so I stayed in my room all the time..."

His smile faded. "What?"

"Never mind it, Thor..." Dispite this, he pressed on.

"No, what do you mean I hardly ever talked to you? I remember us being the best of friends in our teenage years!" Oh, sweet, niave, Thor, who stilled believed himself to be the perfect brother. It was time he realized the truth.

"Actually, I stand corrected. We did speak. I would walk up to you, Lady Sif, and the Warriors three. 'Hello, brother! Mind if I join you?' 'Not today, Loki. I'm with my friends. Do you not have spells to learn?'" I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Great memories! Oh! Oh! How about the time you completely forgot my birthday, and Frigga had to remind you? That was wonderful!" I could see his face contorting into a frown, so I continued. "And how could I forget your favorite words of all time, 'No, Loki!' I heard those words often. When I wanted to go on an adventure with you, 'No, Loki.' When I would talk to you, 'Not now, Loki.' Your friends weren't the nicest either, to be honest."

"Loki.. I-I'm so sor-" I did not let him finish.

"No, it's fine, Thor, really. I found my own solution. See, you didn't notice, but for an entire year, I had only come out of my room to eat. My books and my journals were the companions to me that you never wanted to be."

"Loki... I never realized that I... I'm so sorry..." he said, the guilt evident in his voice and expression.

"You should be, Thor!" I blurted out. "I looked up to you! As my older brother, and as my role model! I wanted to be just like you. I always did. I would steal your cape in youth, I would always want to be around you. Even to the point of attempting to take over a realm, just so I could be your equal, and you never knew! You spent time with me up until our sixteenth year, and then you abandoned me, Thor. You don't realize..." I took a deep breath there. "You don't realize how much that hurt me. I know you didn't mean it that way. You never do. But you were my only friend, Thor. Did you know that? You were my only friend." My voice became almost a whisper as I said, "And you abandoned me."

I looked away, knowing what I had just done. I had let my wall slip again. It was hard not to around Thor. Around Odin, around the Warriors, around anyone else, I was fine. But not around Thor. It was sentiment, and it was pulling me down. I had told him that it would not become habitual of me to let my emotions slip, and yet I had let them slip again. I said the only thing I could in that moment:

"Leave me."

~Six Days~

I had scolded myself all the day before. How could I have let such a thing happen? That is why I found an empty journal, and wrote in it, like I had used to do. I nearly filled three-fourths of the journal on my rant, and had stayed up all night until I'd felt the anger leave me. Despite this, I was not tired, just mentally exhausted, per usual. I had come to the conclusion that I needed to speak with Thor about what had happened, so I dared to leave my room.

Thor's chambers were down the hallway from mine, so it did not take long for me to get there. The part that took the longest was the time I spend staring at his door, hand raised to knock, but not daring to do so. I was afraid. I should not have been afraid. I fought the Avengers, started wars, faced Thanos himself... and yet I was afraid to speak to Thor. Finally, I took a deep breath and knocked.

He opened the door slightly, looking through the crack at me, before opening the door all the way. "Loki?" he asked, curious of my presence.

"I've got alot to say, and I would prefer to do it fast, so please hold all comments and or questions until I've finished," I said quickly before continuing. "I'm sorry I snapped on you yesterday. It wasn't your fault. i never spoke up, or said anything about it. And I may have exaggerated on the whole, 'You ignored me for an entire year' thing. It just kind of felt like a year then, and I'm sure it wasn't that long. You weren't that terrible of a brother, you just had your own personal life that I felt like I needed to be a part of, and I didn't mean to hurt you by saying any of it, it was just really emotional for me to go through all those old journals and relive the memories, and I didn't mean the majority of it, it's just hard for me to be able to do anything, especially think straight anymore because I constantly feel like I have something nagging at me at theback of my mind, and prison isn't exactly easy and I'm sorry." My voice had become faster as I had rambled on and on, unable to find the right words. I could only pray that he understood what I meant. Then there were the questions. Did i apologize because I felt bad? Or because I just wanted to see Frigga? And why did I want to see Frigga, anyways? I was simply confused.

"It's okay, Loki," he replies after taking a while to let my word sink in. "I know you're under alot of stress, and I wasn't exactly the best brother ever. I let my friends effect my relationship with my own brother, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't do that," I said. "Don't apologize to me."

"Well then, what do you want me to do?" he asked.

"I don't know, I admitted, "Just don't apologize."

We stood there in silence for what seemed like forever to me. What was there to say, if anything? There was something that needed to be said, but what was it? The more I thought, the more questions I had.

"Thor, why are you doing this? Trying to help me, I mean. Being nice and saving me... when all I have ever done is cause you pain in trouble..."

"I suppose I still have hope that the Loki I once knew is still in there somewhere. The Loki from our adventures, from our youth. The Loki that knows I would do anything for him, and has proven that he would do the same. I know that what you have done does not define you. I have faith in you."

I paused before responding. "And I thank you for that, brother."

A smile broke out on his face at that one word. 'Brother.' I had used it and not hated myself for doing so. I guess I had realized that he was my brother, and nothing would change that. I wasn't sure though. And so I went back to my room, pulled out a journal, and began writing once more, hoping my thoughts could somehow make sence to me once they were written out. _My thoughts were stars that I could not fathom into contellations. _And even though nothing made sence at the time, I still had this feeling that, eventually, everything would work out.

_**~SIDE NOTE: TFiOS reference! Yay!~**_

~Five Days~

I had actually gotten sleep that night. After i had written out the details of the day, I had spent the day thinking about what I'd written. Eventually, I had fallen asleep with only one conclusion: When I called Thor my brotehr, I meant it. There hadn't been nightmares either, and thought his was good, I was begining to worry about it. It had been a while since I'd had a nightmare or horrific flashback, so one was bound to happen soon.

I knew Thor would be visiting my today, so I prepared myself. I could not, and would not, step out of line today. Not if i wanted to fix things between Thor and I. Yes, I had also concluded that I needed to fix things between my brother and I, but I had not concluded why.

As expected, he knocked at my door around noon, and I permitted his entrence. He sat on the edge of my bed, facing me as I sat in my chair.

"How are you?" he asked,

"Better than I was," I replied. "And you?"

"I am well," he answered. Thought, I could tell that his mind was reeling.

"You have questions," I assumed. "What are they?"

"I am still wondering about the events prior to the Battle of New York..." he sadi cautiously.

"Thor, you are my brother, and I am ready to admit that," I began, "But I am still not ready to speak of such things."

"Then I shall not force you to do so," he said. Then out of nowhere, he asked, "Do you remember when we had built that secret room underground?" I nodded, not understanding where this was going until he began pulling my bed away from the wall, revealing trap door. He opened it, and began his decent down into the room, gesturing for me to follow. I stood, smiling and followed him down.

It was dark, but Thor soon fixed that by pulling out a box of matches and lighting a torch. He lead me down the short hall. Surprisingly, he still had his key and used it to unlock the door. He opened it and entered first so he could light the room. Once that was done, I followed him inside the room. I could hardly believe it. It looked just like we'd still been using it. I couldn't help but wondering...

"I came down here from my end alot when you were in... you know..." he explained. I had forgotten that his room had a trapdoor, too. and as for his coming down here, it explained why had the key, and why the room did not look abandoned.

"Sentiment," I remarked with a small smile.

"Sentiment," he replied, returning the smile.

We stayed down there for hours, looking through things we'd left down there. Books, drawings, notes, old treasures. I even found a small photo album. Thor and I sat on the floor and passed things back and forth, but I stopped looking at other things once I found the photo album. I just stared at it, deciding whether or not I wanted to open it or not.

I opened it. Immeatly, younger versions of Thor and I stared back at me, smiles on their faces. It was of our vacation to the beaches of Asgard. Frigga had taken the photograph, I remembered. "Do you remember this?" I asked Thor.

He smiled. "I do. I remember you pulling me into the water."

I scoffed. "Only after you pushed me in first!"

"It was an accident!" he defended. "I tripped!"

"Oh, yeah, sure! You 'tripped'.." I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"I did!" he said, holding back a chuckle of his own.

"And my hands just happened to get caught on your arm, and then I fell backwards, while we're making excuses!"

"Oh, please! You pulled me in on purpose!"

"I'll admit to it when you admit to pushing me!"

"But I didn't push you!" he exclaimed. "I tripped!"

I simply rolled my eyes. "Okay, I believe you!" Then I added a mumbled, "Not.." as I flipped to the next picture, which was one taken in this very room by myself around my eleventh year.

My arm was etended out so I could get both Thor and I into the picture. I smiled. It had taken us two and a half years to make this room, even with the assistance of my magic.

Every photo was one of Thor or I, or more often, both of us. Every one of them was a memory. Vacations, adventures, just random pictures. There was one that struck something inside of me. Nostaglia. Sentiment. I took the picture out of the album and slipped it into my pocket, making a mental note of its existance.

I had lost track of how much time we'd been down there, but I didn't care. We stayed for hours, it seemed. Hours and hours and I didn't want to leave because in this place I felt dafe.I felt as though I were back in the days before New York, before joutenheim, before Thor's corronation. Back when we were just children with high hopes and big dreams.

I suppose I had zoned out for a long time, for soon I felt Thor's hand on my shoulder and heard his voice. "Come, brother. It is late, and we should go, or I fear you'll never leave!" he joked. I snapped out of my daze and stood. He lead the way out of the room, locking the door behind us. Before I knew it, we were back in my room, moving the bed back in place. "I shall see you tomorrow," he said before leaving me alone with my good memories.

~Four Days~

"You cannot be serious!" I exclaimed.

"But I am Loki," Thor said calmly. "It's just a short walk around the gardens!"

"Yes, with every eye on Asgard glaring daggers at me on the way!"

"Pay no attention to them, Loki. You need to get used to being around other people. You cannot stay in here for the rest of your life. You haven't even come out of your room except to see me!" Then he paused. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, and I'm not going," I said firmly. However, Thor's grip on my arms was even more firm as he dragged me out of the room. Litterally dragged. I dug me heels into the floor. My protests of, "Thor, stop. No! Thor, I am not- Would you stop? I'm not going outside! Thor! Thor, stop this madness!"

His only response was, "Come along, Loki. We're going to get some food into you, and then we're going for a walk." His persistance was admirable, and eventually I gave up on trying to stop him and just walked along.

May I point out that most people who were in a rush to leave, but wanted food, would just grab asmall snack, like some grapes or something. Thor is not most people. He grabbed an entire tray of food (meat, potatoes, rolls, some concoction of vegetables, so on and so forth) and a cup of water, since he knows I prefer to not drink mead as he does, and shoved it all at me.

"Here. Eat while we walk," he said, walking toward the door again.

I stood there for a few moments, trying to make sure that I did not drop the tray, before following him and replying, "Thor, I told you I am not hungry."

He turned to me, a firm expression on his face. "Eat, Loki," he demanded, his tone strict. I protested no more.

Though I had told him I was not hungry, and did not feel so, I suppose I was, for I had eaten more than I had planned to, and at a rather quick pace.

My focus was torn from my food to my surroundings as a blast of cold wind hit my face. There was snow covering almost everything. I had almost forgotten the snow. It had snowed when I was released, and there must have been snow on the day I found out of Odin's deception, though my mind was reeling too much for me to have noticed. But now it blanketed everything.

I had absent mindedly started eating again while I followed Thor out to the gardens. People stared at us- me. I payed them no mind, not looking in their directions. Suddenly Thor stopped walking and bent down to grab something. I just shrugged it off and looked down at my food.

The next thing I knew, a snowball hit my face. I shot a glare at Thor, who was laughing. His laughter ceased, and he apologized, then turning and walking on. I smirked and bent down, forming a snowball of my own, then positioning myself to throw it. "Hey, Thor!" I called.

He turned toward me. "Yes, L-" His reply was cut off by the snowball hitting his face. It took him by surprise, and his face showed it. I began laughing, but stopped in time to hold my tray up as a shield to the next snowball, which consequentally dumped the food onto the ground.

I grinned. "Oh, it is on!" I yelled, making another snowball.

Thor began making snowballs of his own. While he was distracted, I threw mine, hitting him in the back. Back and forth we went, throwing, hitting, dodging, shielding. Thor began running towards a bench so he could hide behind it, so I threw a snowball at him. It hit him in the nack of his head, and he somehow tripped over something at the same time, then hitting his head on th bench. I rushed over to him, kneeling at his side.

"Oh Gods, are you okay?!"

Then a handfull of freezing snow hit me in the face and stayed there for a few seconds, despite my efforts of backing away. I heard Thor chuckle, "I am now!" But when he moved his hand away, his smile faded. I suspected what had happened, so I ran inside, Thor following quickly.

The heat of the air inside the palace hit me harder than the cold had, but I only ran faster, praying that nobody would see me. I finally rached my room, and ran into my private restroom, in which there was a mirror. Staring back at me through it was a monster. I saw Thor standing behind me, a mix of emotions on his face; Confusion, shock... horror.

"Leave me," I mumbled, not wanting anyone to see me like this. When he did not move, I raised my voice, "I SAID LEAVE ME! ARE YOU DEAF, THOR?! GET OUT!" His eyes widened farther, and, he left.

"Monster..." I mumbled to the man in the mirror. "You are a Jouten. A monster. Laufeyson."


	13. Chapter 13 (Chapter 12- Part Two)

**_~AN~_**

_Gonna apologize, this chapter isn't as long as the last, but to be honest the next chapter (or the next few) are going to be pretty eventful, as you shall soon enough see. Also, I wrote this basically in one day, so yeah. Prepare the feels. RFFSTTFN_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

~Three Days~

It was early morning, and I sat in the corner of my room, paying no mind to my bleeding knuckles from when I'd punched the mirror. I stared into the darkness ahead of me, my head reeling. I could still feel the chill of my monstrous form as it refused to leave was a while staring into the darkness before I slipped into unconsciousness, nightmares instantly consuming me.

It was cold there. Cold and dark. A combination of things that describe my mind as well as a number of places. In this case, it was Joutenheim, and I was on the throne, crowned as their King. I looked down at my hands which were blue, just like the rest of me. From a doorway came two guards, dragging a prisoner, who was pushed to his knees in front of me. He looked up to me with his striking blue eyes.

"Why, if it isn't the Prince of Asgard.."I found myself saying with a smirk. "What has brought you here?"

It was not Thor but a guard that answered me. "We found him trying to break into the castle, quite literally, with his hammer."

"There were Joutens in our weapons vault!" the Prince interjected. "You broke the truce, and I came to find out why!"

I smirked and stepped down from the Throne and stood in front of the Prince. "As if you are not breaking the truce by being here yourself? You of all people should know the consequences of trespassing, Son of Odin!" I held out my hand, and a guard placed an ice dagger in my hand. "There are places, weak points, in everything, even your palace." I chuckled lightly.

Just before the dagger plunged through his heart, I awoke. I was not in my corner, I was standing. In the place of the ice dagger was my own dagger, and in place of Thor was the wall. What had happened? Sleepwalking was not a word to describe this. Sleepmurdering? Only, it was a wall, thank Valhalla, and not my brother that had been stabbed, so not real murder was committed. It scared me, though, that I did this without knowing. What if next time it wasn't a wall? It was then that I heard knocking on my door, but I didn't respond.

"Loki?" came Thor's voice before more knocking. "Loki, are you okay?! I heard something all the way down in my room; are you okay?!" The concern in his voice grew with every word. Finally he just opened the door. He must have noticed the damage I'd done to my room, for he whispered, "Gods..." to himself as he made his way over to me. He grabbed my hand nad pulled the knife out of the wall, and then out of my hand, setting it aside. "Loki, what happened? Why did you have a dagger?"

I didn't move, didn't speak. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Even if I wanted to do anything, I wouldn't have been able to.

Thor's hand rested on my shoulder, and he looked me in the eyes, even though my eyes were focused on where the knife had been. "Brother, please say something!" He shook me a little. "Loki, speak to me!" He was shaking me harder. "Please! Loki!"

But it was too late. I had zoned out. I was trapped in my mind once again.

~Two Days~

It was noon before I had been able to snap myself out of my mind. I looked around. The room was even more so trashed than before, and I didn't understand why. I looked at Thor, who was sat beside me, looking exhausted and powerless.

"Thor..?" I muttered, my voice a bit rough from misuse over the past hours.

He looked at me and immediately pulled me into an embrace. "Thank Valhalla," he said, his voice conveying his relief. "I thought you'd stay like that forever... You scared me. Just when I though you were back, you'd start mumbling this nonsense, acting like there were people there, like they were trying to hurt you.. You started throwing things at one point and... Gods, you scared me.."

"What...?" Had I mentally lived my nightmares, but battled them physically? Just like the day before?

"Where were you, Loki?" he asked, pulling away from the embrace. "Surely your mind was not here?"

"It was not..." I replied. "Nightmares, per the usual.."

"But do you normally do this? Do you normally yell at nonexistent people?" I could tell just how concerned he was.

"I do not," I admitted. "But I'm fine."

"Loki, do not try to comfort me. Tell me what's really going on."

I sighed. It was about time I said something. For not only Thor's sake, but for my own aswell. I thought for a moment, trying to find the right words.

"I do not know what happened, why I was doing the things I did," I said, looking at the floor. "It was just a few nightmares at first. Joutuns, New York, Falling... you... But then Thanos..." I shuttered a bit at his name.

"Thanos?" Thor asked, when I did not go on. "Who is Thanos?"

I took a deep breath. "I am only going to relay this story once, and only to you, so listen close," I warned. "You have asked me more than once to tell you of the events after I fell from the Bifrost. That is precisely what I did. I fell. I do not know for how long, but it was an eternity to me. I landed on a realm that I did not know of, and I could not tell you its location, nor its name. Nobody knows of its existence, aside from its inhabitants and me. Not even Heimdal, of this I am sure. Other wise, he would have told you I was not dead, only wishing that I were... Anyways," I continued, trying to stay focused and not zone out in the telling of my story, "He...Thanos found me. It was all well and fine... until he began torturing me..." I was certain I saw Thor's eyes widen and mouth open slightly in shock from my peripheral vision. "Every day pushing me to the edge of death, and forcing me to pull myself back. He made me an offer. He said that not only would he release me, but he would give me opportunity. He would supply an army and weaponry, and I would gain him the Tesseract. Once the mission was done and he ruled the Nine Realms with the Tesseract's power, he would give Asgard to me, and let me prove to you and Odin and all of Asgard that I could be a King... I couldn't refuse him, could I? I guess that since I failed him, and he can no longer physically hurt me, haunting my mind will have to suffice until he can find find me and torture me physically once more..." There was silence. Pure silence. No awkward shifting, no clearing of throats. Pure silence, and it drove me insane. "Well?" I finally said, breaking the silence. "Say something!"

"Loki, I... I had no idea that you... that..." Thor was at a complete loss for words.

"Yeah, I know you didn't," I said. "But now you do, and I would thank you to never bring it up unless I do first."

He nodded. "I promise I won't."

~One Day~

I went the rest of that day without zoning out. Of course, I refused to sleep that night aswell, afraid that I might do something. It had been a long day, and a long night, so I told Thor that he needn't stay up with me. After much protest, he finally went back to his room. I didn't feel tired, so I stayed up.

Then, I remembered the picture that I had put in my pocket a few days before. I pulled it out and looked at it. I could remember the day the picture was taken. We had all woken up extra early that morning to get ready for the family portrait, and I, for one, was excited. Thor, not so much. He didn't like the getting up early part. Or the dressing nice part. He complained that he would much rather be out sparring with his friends, but eventually I convinced him that the picture was not the end of the world, and he would have time to change into his normal clothes and spar afterward. I remembered begging Frigga for a copy, so she gave me one, and I had put it in that album.

It wasn't a particularly special picture. It was Thor, Frigga, Odin, and I standing in front of a plain backdrop. The reason I loved this picture so much was the fact that in this picture, we were a family. It wasn't the Allfather, Queen Frigga, the Golden Prince of Asgard, and a war criminal. It was Odin, his wife, and two sons. We were all happy, smiling. There was no betrayal, no lies. Not in that time. It was just loving, caring family. Something I would only ever have in the form of this picture.

I found that slumber had grabbed my hand and was pulling me toward it. I was powerless against it, and so I fell asleep. It was peaceful at first, but would you expect it to stay that way?

Soon enough, my mind brought me back to the place most of my nightmares took place: Joutenheim. The first thing I did was check my skin. My hands were on the verge of becoming blue, and my temperature was dropping. When I looked back up, there was Laufey, a few good yards away. Behind him were Odin, Frigga, and Thor, chained to the walls, powerless to do anything. It was evident then that I had to save them.

One of the guards unchained Frigga, and brought her to Laufey. I began running, but before I reached him, he stabbed her. In a rage, I transformed fully into my Jouten form. Ice gathered on my arm to make a sort of ice-sickle spear. I sprinted and stabbed him straight through the stomach, but in place of Laufey's cry of pain as I stabbed him, I heard a woman's scream, and it wall went to black.


	14. Chapter 14

**_~AN~_**

_Sorry about that cliffhanger. NOT. I was actually planning on being a little Moffat and not updating for a week, but I realized that I would hate you guys if you did that to me. I'm going to warn you, it's pretty feelsy. I actually cried while writing this. SO. I have a __**CHALLENGE **__guys. Try reading this while listening to the song So Cold by Ben Cocks. That's what I was (and am still) listening to. If you can do this, hats off to you. Just gonna say, #SorryNotSorry on this one. It's not 1K+ words, and I'm sorry, but this takes place in only one day, unlike the last two. Again, #SorryNotSorry. I'm running out of things to say, so without any more dilly-dally, RFFSTTFN!  
~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I snapped out of the nightmare and looked around for the the source of the scream. I looked at the floor, and there lay Frigga, stab wound and all. I dropped to my knees beside her, a sickening feeling overcoming me. My breaths were short, my heart was pounding, and suddenly nothing felt real. This, too could be a nightmare... But I knew it wasn't.

"Oh Gods," I whispered, looking at the stab wound, which her hands were clasped over. I put one of my hand on top of hers, the other supporting her head and keeping it from hitting the ground. "I-I'm so.. I'm sorry.. I didn't.. I didn't know what I was.." I couldn't find the words to speak, even though I knew time was of the essence. I swallowed and took a deep breath before trying again. "I'm so sorry, mother. I-It was a nightmare, I swear I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay, my son..." she managed to say weakly. Four, short, simple words, and yet they meant the world to me, as they were spoken with her last breath.

"No... Mother... " I mumbled, shaking her a bit. "Don't.. don't do this.. don't- don't die.. There were so many things I-I still needed to tell you.."Then the tears came. I pulled her limp body into an embrace. "I am so, very, truly sorry for everything... Please... Please, mother..."

"Mother, I heard a scream so I-" Thor stopped mid-sentence, but I payed him no mind. "Loki, what happened?"

"I... I didn't..." I could not tell him. I could not tell Thor that his mother was dead, nor that it was I who had killed her. How would you do such a thing? He would be furious with me. Not only that, but i couldn't accept the fact of her death myself.

'She's okay.. she's not gone.' I thought. 'When I wake from this nightmare, there she will be. Happy Holidays, mother. Happy Holidays.'

Thor placed a hand on my shoulder. He was trembling, and I hadn't even told him yet. Imagine when he found out...

"Brother, get up," he said as calmly as he could manage. I shook my head in refusal. I could not leave her here, but he persisted. "Loki, you need to get up. We need to go now. I will send for someone."

"No... NO!" I yelled, turning to him. "I can't... I can't leave her here, Thor. I just... I can't! I.." I took a deep, shaky breath.

Thor made his way to me, standing in front of me. He bent down and gently grabbed my hand. It was then that I realized that is was not his hand that was trembling, but mine. My entire body was trembling, for that matter.

Then he said, in a voice so gentle he might have been speaking to a child, "It is okay, Loki, but we have to go now." He pulled my hand a bit, and I reluctantly stood, following as he lead me down the endless hallway and into my room. "I'm going to go find someone. Can you stay here for a few minutes alone?" he asked in the same gentle voice. I nodded, even though I had only heard the words, not listened to them. With that he left the room in a rush.

I only stood there, tears streaming down my face. My body racked with a sob every now and then, and eventually standing became to much of a task for me, so I sunk to the floor with my back to a wall. Those 'few minutes' became an eternity. It was forever before I heard Thor's voice outside, but he was conversing with someone else. Someone with a voice I did not recognize.

"Prince Thor, he was the only one there. He needs to be interrogated," said the voice.

"I know," Thor replied. i could tell by his voice that he was holding back tears of his own. "Just let me talk to him. Let me ask him the questions. It is unlikely he will tell you much, if anything. I know how to deal with him."

The other person sighed. "Fine, but if you are bias with your information..."

I could only assume that he nodded before entering the room. "Hey, Loki..." He knelt next to me, and I tried to compose myself. I knew what he was going to ask, and I had to be ready to answer. "I just need to ask you a few things about what happened, okay?" I took a few deep breaths and nodded a little, knowing I had to get this over with. "Do you mind telling me what happened?" he asked.

He expected me to say that I wanted to see her early, but someone was there, and they stabbed her and got away, or that she'd screamed, and I had found her like that. He would want to go on asking if I saw the attacker, what they looked like, what she was stabbed with, what I was doing... Never would he have guessed this, would he?

"Thor, I.." But when I looked up into his eyes, filled with despair,devastation, and tears, I lost it. i began to cry again. He hugged me, but it did nothing to console me. All I could get out were a few words. "I didn't mean to... I didn't.. I didn't know..."

The reality of it struck him. "Nightmares..?" he asked, and when I nodded, he began to cry, too.

"I didn't.. I didn't mean to.. I swear."

"I know," he comforted. "I know you didn't..."

But no matter how many times I protested that I didn't mean to, or how many times Thor said he knew I didn't, I couldn't help but hate myself. The monster that killed Frigga.


	15. Chapter 15

_**~AN~**_

_Okay, so, I don't want to be a Debby Downer, but I didn't get many reviews on that last chapter, so I shall just assume you were to busy crying. I really really love hearing your thoughts on my work. It makes my day when I get a new review. The R in RFFS stands for Review, guys!  
Anyways, I have really nothing else to say.. which is weird for me... OH! I GOT SOMETHING! This fanfic will be coming to a close soon, but don't you fret my darling little glowsticks, I, as Queen of Glowstickia, so declare, "LET THERE BE SEQUAL!... and cake. I like cake. Mmmmm... cake..." Also, per the usual, I apologize for this chapter being short ;-;_

_RFFS TTFN_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

Thor and i had sat in my room on the floor all that day, getting into a routine of crying, calming down, looking at eachother, and crying even more. Every now and then I'd lean on his shoulder, just for the simple reason that knowing he was there offered at least some comfort. It was a while before I was ready (and able to, through the tears, through that matter) to ask the question that had been there underneath all the grief and guilt.

"Are.. are you angry with me..?" I asked, my voice sounding more broken than I thought it would. I stared at the floor and not at him. He, however, looked at me.

"No," he answered, his voice just as broken as mine. "I know you didn't know what you were doing... and it wasn't your fault really..." Though, I was sure that some part of him resented me.I simply and continued staring fixedly at the floor, but another question popped into my head.

"Won't you have to tell them that I..." I trailed off, knowing he would understand what I meant and that I could not say it, "And then they'll drag me back off to prison?" I glanced over at him. "I can't go back.. It's Helheim to be sitting in that cell day in and day out, trapped in your own mind... just like..." I trailed off again, but Thor spoke, so there was no silence.

"I don't let them, Loki... I'll just.. bend the truth," he replied.

"You'd lie? To your own kingdom, for me, Thor?" It surprised me. After all, he was the Golden Prince of Asgard.

"Not lie," he corrected, "Bend the truth. And you should know that I would do anything for you, Loki." He sighed, trying to clear his mind. "I'll just tell them that you woke up to a scream, and upon inspection you found mother. It's not exactly a lie... it's just leaving out the matter of your nightmare."

This is precisely what Thor did when the guard from before came hours later to gather the information from him. I, myself, had no problem with lying, no matter the reason, but to have him lie? And for me? It put even more guilt in my heart, as if there wasn't enough of that.

Once the small meeting was over, Thor came back and sat beside me once more. It was dead silent. Neither of us had any more tears, and Thor had not more words. I didn't think I did either, until I blurted out, "I can't stay here any more."

"What?" Thor asked, thinking he'd heard me wrong.

"I can't stay here. I have to leave." I stood up and looked for a bag.

"Define 'here', Loki," he said, hoping I simply meant my room or the castle.

At last, I spotted a large bag and set it on my bed, then going to grab some of my journals. "Here, meaning Asgard," I replied, putting the journals in the bag, the few that I'd selected taking up half the room.

Thor stood at this point. "Loki, you cannot be serious!" he exclaimed.

"I am!" I said, my mind made up. "I'm leaving Asgard as soon as is opportune. Surely, you cannot expect me to stay here in the land of my living nightmares?" I began placing clothes in my bag, only half folding them, as I was in a hurry to get packed.

Thor placed his hand on my shoulder. "Loki, listen, just because mother is-"

I whipped around to face him. "THIS IS NOT ABOUT MOTHER!" I yelled. "This is about every bad thing that's ever happened on this blasted realm, and the fact that I have no desire nor reason to remain here any longer!"

Thor opened his mouth to speak, but remained silent, and took a step away. Meanwhile, I took a deep breath and resumed packing my things. What I heard next was a shock.

"Then I'm coming with you," Thor declared. It was clear he had made up his mind, and there was no use trying to persuade someone as stubborn as he.

"Fine," I said, only hesitating a moment. "Go pack your things. We leave tomorrow."


	16. Chapter 16

_**~AN~**_

_Welcome, my dearest readers, to the last chapter (not counting the epilogue) of What is Freedom. I know, let's all just have a group hug, take a deep breath, and let out a unified sob. This story means so much to me. I've had this for quite some time and... *sighs* SENTIMENT. But don't worry, Glowsticks, there shall be sequal. It's going to be a bit less feelsy and angsty (sorry). BUT it will have fluff and some comedy. I won't spoil it and tell you what ends up happening because some people might not want to read the sequel and just imagine what happens. So that's gonna happen. OH! Also, I know some of you have AMAZING talents, so if anyone wants to make a fanvideo or fanart/photoedit ofthis fic, PLEASE DO. If you do, I will give you a shout out! Ok, uhm. I guess that's it. ;-: And for the last time on this story (since there won't be an author's note on the epilogue)_

_RFFS TTFN 3_

_~DatGlowstickThoe_

* * *

I had stayed up all night pacing in aticipation of the next day. Soon, we would be away from this nightmare called Asgard. Away from the past. Of course, I could never escape the past for good. It is impossible to completely escape your past. If only it were possible...

It was noon before Thor showed up at my door, his things packed, but I could tell that he was not ready to leave. It almost made me laugh a bit. Sentiment.

"Ready?" I asked him, making sure he had everything he wanted and that he was still coming.

"Ready," he answered, his eyes showing the sentiment he felt.

"Good," I said, walking past him into the hall. "Come on."

He did not move, but instead asked, "Loki, are you sure you want to do this? Leave, I mean.."

I stopped walking, but did not turn around. "Thor, I am leaving. Whether you come with me or not is your choice, but... I'm leaving."

"Okay," he said, his voice gentle. "Just making sure..." And we both began walking again.

When he caught up with me, I informed him that he would have to shield himself from Heimdal's gaze, and gave him instruction on how to do so. After that, we were silent. An endless silence that killed me, like any other silence, but worse. So, I began to hum that familiar tune again. I could hear mother singing it to us, her melodic voice echoing through my mind. Thor spoke, and she vanished.

"How will we leave without anyone knowing? The Bifrost is broken, and Heimdal controls it anyways.." Thor pointed out.

I did not respond, only kept walking until I stood on the broken edge of the Bifrost, staring into the abyss. The abyss that had started all my pain and lead me to Thanos... No. It had not started my pain. Asgard had. The abyss was my escape.

"Loki, we are not doing this!" Thor exclaimed pulling me a few feet from the edge.

"It is the only way, Thor," I said, my voice calm. I was just as calm as my voice made me sound. Why was I calm? I could very well be looking death in the face, torture, even... But I was calm.

"Okay, say we do jump, Loki. Then what?" asked Thor, clearly much more concerned than I was. "How do we know where we will end up?"

In that moment I grabbed his free hand and began ranning towards the edge, pulling him along. Just before we jumped, just before darkness surrounded us, I answered his quesion honestly.

"We don't."


	17. Epilogue

In the darkness of the abyss I had time to think. To ask questions. Alot of questions, really. An eternity. What did I think was going to happen when we landed, if we even survived? My past would never go away. It would live on in my nightmares every night. Was this just a step toward a new, better life? Could I ever have a better life? Or was this just... what was this? I had spent so long wishing to be out of prison. Now I was, and I was running away, escaping. Was this freedom from freedom? I still had one more, unanswerable question that would not leave my mind...

_What is freedom?_


End file.
